Mailbag Monday: Splitting Expenses After Divorce
My ex-husband and I were divorced via a mediated settlement agreement in June. Our daughter is a sophomore in college and our son is now in his first year of medical school; he got his own loan to help pay for school and most of his living expenses. I’m a 52-year-old woman who has been a stay-at-home mom for about 22 years. I have health issues, and even though I have a master’s degree, my employability remains an unknown. I will receive a lump sum/alimony buyout when our house sells, and for the time being I am living off of savings which were augmented through the settlement agreement. My ex continues to receive his $300,000 a year salary. We have been splitting the costs for our kids and mutual dog in half, but I wonder if there is a more equitable way to split these costs until I can hopefully have some kind of salary or income. Do you have any suggestions?
— Emma
I would place my aim on getting back into the workforce, as hard as that may seem. Start working on your resume, maybe meet with a career counselor, brush up on your skills with a few classes if need be. While you do that, speak with your ex-husband and your children about how you are going to share costs. Yes, that means your children should be footing some of their college expenses — the freshman, in particular, should be taking out loans and working at a part-time job on the side.
Then I would have a rational conversation with your ex, separate from the kids, about how you might do this fairly until you get a job. Explain what you’re doing to work toward that goal, and point out that you’re in this position, in part, because you stepped away from the workforce to be a stay-at-home mother to your children. Perhaps he can shoulder more of the burden now, and you can make up for your share later when your income increases. Or take my advice for married couples with disparate salaries: Get a handle on the amount of expenses you’re going to assist with, and then figure out what percentage of each of your income will need to be contributed to cover those costs. This is instead of simply splitting 50/50. So maybe you each contribute 5% of your income, but his chunk is larger because he earns more.
