Mailbag Monday: Choosing an Executor
How do you choose an executor when you have a blended family? Previously, we made wills and named executors of our wills and healthcare. How do we assign someone to be executor and not offend the other family. Any tips on how to be fair?
— Gretchen
I think you’re looking at this situation the wrong way — I don’t think you want to consider how to be fair. You want to pick the best person for the job. This is a heavy responsibility. It’s complex and time-consuming, and family politics shouldn’t come into play.
So I would start by simply making a list. I find it’s the best way to sort out any difficult decision. Write down the names of people you might choose, then list the qualities that would make each person a good executor. List negatives, as well — you’re essentially making a pros and cons list about each candidate. You’re looking for someone who is organized — there is a lot of paperwork involved — honest, and understands your intentions. You want to select only one person, which as you noted, can be difficult for parents who are selecting among children. But it may be easier than you think — parents often assume that everyone is going to fight over this role, but you’d be surprised by how many people would rather avoid the pressure altogether. In the end, you want to settle on one executor and a couple alternates, then ask those people to take on the job. You don’t have to explain the reasoning behind your decision.
Finally, I want to point out that you don’t even have to select a family member. You can select a close friend you trust, who may be able to act as an outsider in this situation. And if you can’t find someone within your circle, you can name an accountant or attorney to the job, though it will cost you a few hundred or thousand dollars, depending on the complexities of the will.
